Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

GoF, Chapter Fourteen - The Unforgivable Curses

Fri, 20 Apr 2007 20:00:13 GMT

In which the Dark Arts enter yet darker territory.

Over the next few days, Harry notices that Professor Snape seems especially timid and innocuous around Professor Moody. Snape is a nightmare of a teacher to everybody. He forces Neville Longbottom to spend an afternoon disemboweling horned frogs. The Gryffindors excitedly await Moody's class, and finally Thursday comes and they go to his classroom. He hobbles in, grizzled and gruff, and he tells the students to put away their books; he says that the class has studied dark creatures but that they were behind in curses, and that he has one year to cover the subject. He adds that instead of teaching just the counter-curses, he and Dumbledore agreed that it would be best to teach the curses themselves, in order to show the students what they are up against.

He uses three spiders to demonstrate the three unforgivable curses, each of which would land the curser a lifetime in Azkaban. He first demonstrates the Imperius Curse, which allows the curser to control the cursed. This is the curse that Voldemort used to put wizards under his control). He then shows the Cruciatus Curse, which causes terrible writing pain to the cursed, and which upsets Neville tremendously when he sees it done to the spider. Finally, he shows Avada Kedavra, the killing curse, which only Harry Potter has ever survived. Harry is upset to see the final curse, which killed his parents; it kills instantly, yet it leaves the victim entirely unmarked. Moody warns them all to keep "constant vigilance!" and he dismisses them from class. After class, Neville is still shaky from watching the second curse. Moody pulls him aside and gives him a book on Mediterranean water plants, saying kindly that Professor Sprout has mentioned that Neville was good at Herbology.

That night, Harry and Ron sit in the common room doing their Divination homework, making up horrible scenarios that can happen to them on account of the planetary alignment. The Weasley twins are sitting quietly in a corner poring over a mysterious piece of parchment. Hermione enters the common room with a box of badges, each bearing the letters S.P.E.W. The acronym stands for the Society for the Protection of Elfish Welfare, an organization she has just begun. Before Harry and Ron can protest wearing the pins, Hedwig enters the common room with a letter for Harry from Sirius, which says that he has heard of many odd signs and wants Harry to go to Dumbledore if the scar hurts again. He says that he is returning and will be in touch. Harry finishes reading and feels like a hypochondriac. He thinks that he has placed Sirius in danger by telling him about the scar. He unhappily goes to his dormitory, not noticing that Neville is also awake and restless.

Source: http://www.sparknotes.com/lit/potter4/section7.rhtml

It's The Freakiest Show

Wed, 11 Apr 2007 17:42:53 GMT

Always one of my favourite songs, but one I haven't been able to get out of my head all day after last night's thrilling and thoroughly satisfying climax to the most excellent Life on Mars. In honour of which it earns a permanent spot on my LJ.

Brief Cover Art Notes.

Wed, 28 Mar 2007 20:04:40 GMT

1. The location of the scene on the Scholastic cover shows a circular amphitheatre, whereas, in OotP, the veil room is described as rectangular. I guess we can discount it being the veil room - although the ragged "curtains" do seem to fit the description of the veil.

What strikes me about the image is the way in which the "curtains" are drawn and apparently tied back, giving every impression of an audience watching a theatrical performance.

2. Back cover of Bloomsbury childrens' edition - most of the lights are on in the castle, strongly suggesting that Hogwarts is very much open for business.

3. Great Trio cover on the Bloomsbury edition, which really underscores the way in which HBP closed with the promise of a strong trio adventure.

4. Which leads me to the enigmatic symbol on the spine:

A quick Google search reveals no known symbol of this description. The circle within a triangle, however, is a recognised Christian motiff, symbolising the eternity of the Holy Trinity. A more fitting description would be hard to find - TRIO 4 EVA!!

I can't decide though whether the vertical line which bisects the symbol is positive - Harry at the centre and the apex of our eternal holy trio, or negative - indicating its irrevocable rendering asunder.

Habemus Titulus

Thu, 21 Dec 2006 21:30:06 GMT

And here we go again – for the final time!

Hasty, dirty and unformed thoughts ahead.

It was interesting to note TLC’s report that two titles containing the word “hallows” were originally registered by the enigmatic Seabottom several years ago – the Hogwarts Hallows and the Hallows of Hogwarts. In light of developments in HBP this makes me think of Horcruxes, since I think that it’s generally accepted that the culmination of Harry’s Horcrux hunt will take place at Hogwarts.

I also note with interest Arthurian A2Z, which describes Hallows thus:

The Hallows across most legends are seen to represent the royal regalia carried by the King, or the objects sought by someone such as a 'Grail Quester' in both ancient and modern stories.

It is interesting that in the various incarnations (according to the legends recounted on that particular site) there are always four in number and always relating very closely to the four Tarot suits (four, of course, being the number of Horcruxes which must be found and destroyed). I am pleasantly reminded of a post I made some time ago.

I know that there has, already today, been extensive discussion on the meaning of “hallows”, but - from my point of view – several years of fandom speculation and debate have taught me one thing – the simplest answer is usually the right answer. I feel that it’s far to late in the series for Jo to be introducing any major new concepts. Indeed, the Horcruxes of HBP, are a huge concept which have yet to be resolved.

All of which is a long-winded way of saying that *I* think that the Deathly Hallows are the remaining four Horcruxes.

So there!

Q: What happens when you neglect your fandom?

Fri, 06 Oct 2006 18:26:31 GMT

A: Why, this of course...

And did you ever wonder what the shelves were for?

There! To proudly display your WOMBAT failures!

*hangs head in shame*

RPG - I'll be Ron, then...

Sat, 08 Apr 2006 17:23:33 GMT

...because whilst most of my f-list excelled in their W.O.M.B.A.T.s with Es and Os, I scraped an "Acceptable". :)

I had a feeling that this would be the first in a series of tests. I'm guessing three at most, if only because there's doesn't seem to be enough room on the wall for more than three certificates. One-a-month leading to the Book 7 title in June?

And gosh! Is it really over two months since I updated my journal. To think I used to be such a great debater!*

*And now my fandom activity is limited to committing minor acts of mischief.

Essay Challenge

Sun, 04 Dec 2005 14:13:09 GMT

There can never be enough good HP essays to be read and to be written and it’s forever and a day since I wrote one.

Additionally, it seems like everybody except me has works in progress. That is a wrong I am about to right.

Not having anything in particular up my sleeve, I am challenging you to set me an essay. Any HP related subject will do.

Give me the title or a brief synopsis of what you want and I will choose one*.

*You may be really unlucky, I may choose more than one:P

Seven

Sun, 30 Oct 2005 12:37:00 GMT

- being the number of consecutive times I just listened to Magic Works.

Just wanted to say this song freakin' ROX!!!

(Beams whilst trying to imagine the accompanying visuals)

GBP

Tue, 11 Oct 2005 05:10:04 GMT

Happy Birthday heatherhobbit

Meh, déjà vu.

Sun, 02 Oct 2005 18:24:49 GMT

Since everybody else is talking about it, can I just say that I’m in a state of utter bewilderment at all the controversy and, well… total wankiness - on the R/H side as well as the H/H side – over these blinkin' GoF pictures?

If you would allow me to whisk you back to 2004 for a few brief moments.

Remember this?

And this?

And this?

And this?

‘Nuff said?

What Sundays were made for

Sun, 11 Sep 2005 17:33:51 GMT

Any of you ever put up plaster coving?

No?

Don't bother; it's a total twat of a job!

Tangential Thoughts: Relics and Wands

Sun, 28 Aug 2005 15:00:14 GMT

You know, the funny thing just after reading a new Potter book, is that I always seem not to be able to get stuck into any other decent books. For example, I’ve recently started Kate Mosse’s Labyrinth, which I just know I will find a cracking read, but which I just can’t seem to find the urge to progress past page 60 at the moment.

Not to worry; it’ll pass. I guess my head must still be abuzz with thoughts and ideas inspired by HBP, and it would be quite rude not to share them with you.

So – Relics. Wands.

I’m quite sure that I am not the only person who sees the relics of three of the four Hogwarts-founders – a sword, a cup and a locket – and immediately thinks of the four Minor Arcana in the Tarot deck. Well now I know I’m not, because it has been discussed in some of the debate forums. But since it’s such a fascinating subject, who am I not to take an opportunity to leap on the bandwagon?

If you are familiar with the Tarot, you will know that each of the four Minor Arcana (suits) represents one of the four elements:

Earth – Disks^*
Fire – Wands
Air – Swords
Water – Cups

^* Also known as Pentacles, Coins or Stones

We know, too, that the Hogwarts houses are also supposed to symbolise the four elements:

Earth – Hufflepuff
Fire – Gryffindor
Air – Ravenclaw
Water – Slytherin

If JKR is planning to use the objects from the Tarot Arcana as the relics of the founders, they just don’t match. The cup should belong to Slytherin, the locket (and this seems as good a way as any to represent a disk) should belong to Hufflepuff, and the sword to Ravenclaw. But, this need not be a problem.

Since the parallel is too strong to ignore, I’m going to play along here and assume that JKR *is* using the Tarot objects as the relics and I can only imagine that she has subverted the straight line connection between relic and founder/house – possibly in order to blur the demarcation between the houses; a division so bemoaned by the Sorting Hat in OotP. All of which means that, since Gryffindor’s relic is the sword, Hufflepuff’s is the cup and Slytherin’s is the locket (disk), Ravenclaw’s relic *must* be a wand. And what better object to use as a horcrux in a tale of wizards, witches and magic?

(Parenthetically, the subversion of the straight line connection between relic and house does not appear to be a random shuffle – there is a straight swap between the male founders and the female founders: Salazar takes “Helga’s” Locket; Helga takes “Salazar’s” cup. Godric takes “Rowena’s” sword; Rowena takes “Godric’s” wand. Neat, huh?)

Notable Wands and their Horcruxual potential

Harry’s Wand – seems to be notable only by virtue of its connection to Voldemort’s. Quite possibly manufactured at the same time as Voldemort’s. Possibly, because I am wedded to the idea of Harrycrux ™, I cannot see Harry both being and having a horcrux.

Voldemort’s Wand – Keep your friends close and your horcruxes even closer? Nah, don’t think so. And having two soul-bits about ones person just seems a little greedy.

Lily’s Wand – Noted for its ability at performing charms. But where would it be? Interred along with her body? Can we envisage a Book 7 scene where Harry has to exhume his mother’s remains? I can’t. What happens to dead wizards’ wands, anyway?

Neville’s Wand – Or more specifically, his new wand. Notable mainly for not being his old wand.

Luna’s Wand – Twice noted in OotP that she tucked it behind her ear for safekeeping, which seems to correlate (or contrast) with the revelation that her other possessions apparently do go missing but mysteriously find their way back. And Luna is a Ravenclaw.

Of the above, I would have to say that Luna’s wand would be my favourite candidate, although I think that the strongest clue is none of the above but in the revelation that the wand maker, Ollivander, has gone missing. That screams “clue”, in my opinion. As does the sensation Harry feels when he walks into Ollivander’s shop for the first time in PS/SS:

“For some reason, the back of his neck prickled. The very dust and silence in here seemed to tingle with some secret magic.”

Curious!

Speaking in general terms, I’m fairly certain that hidden within the six books are the clues we readers need to solve the remaining mysteries. I very much doubt, for example, that Harry will be running about in Book 7 picking up random objets d’art in the vain hope that they might be the missing horcruxes, so I see no reason why we should be doing so.

“It's a huge order. But Dumbledore has given him some pretty valuable clues and Harry, also, in the course of previous six books has amassed more knowledge than he realizes.”

That, of course, means Harry and us.

GBP

Mon, 22 Aug 2005 12:10:37 GMT

Happy Birthday connielane

And though the thought of being in your 30s probably seems quite horrendous right now, I promise you that it'll be the best decade yet.

Lost in Translation

Thu, 11 Aug 2005 19:08:22 GMT

Over the past year or so, I've noticed many of you mention Lost in your journal entries. And I've often wondered what this show was.

Well, Lost finally arrived on UK TV screens last night for the start of (I think) a 24 week run of the first series. In fact the first two episodes were screened last night and I quite enjoyed it.

Now, I know absolutely nothing of the plot or the characters other than what I saw in those two episodes but I'm assuming that this is no Castaway and there is a bit of a mystery going on here.

For example, I'm guessing that (and obviously these theories can't all be right):

1. The plane crash was no accident.
2. The island is some sort of laboratory or alternative universe or some such.
3. The survivors are unwitting participants in a social experiment or a game or are (equally unwittingly) dead.
4. That the survivors have previous and unknown/unrecognised associations with one another or that they share a common history.
5. That there is some symbolic significance to Mr Orange Peel's backgammon game.

Or am I looking beyond the obvious? :P

Whatever - it looks highly watchable, which is very rare these days on British TV, so I think I'll stick with it.

(I'm also guessing that there is a wanky fandom associated with this show.)

I just flew around the world

Sat, 06 Aug 2005 17:27:21 GMT

Google Earth ROX!!!

Just sayin'.

So - Sectumsempra

Tue, 02 Aug 2005 18:16:14 GMT

I am unusual position of disagreeing with the entire contingent of my f-list which responded to my last post.

I suppose I should explain.

You see, I don’t think that the Sectumsempra spell was invented to cut open humans (and I know we apparently (probably) saw Snape use it in Snape’s Worst Memory). But a spell for scratching peoples cheeks? Dark Magic? More like schoolboy high jinks. As for it being designed for ripping a body wide open – too messy.

No. I think that it was designed for rendering open far more interesting objects than mere human bodies. Like lockets and cups, for instance.

It seems that Horcruxes don’t actually get destroyed in order to get the piece of soul out of them – despite what Dumbledore says. The ring for instance was cracked when first seen on Dumbledores finger (clearly after he had attended to its Horcruxy innards), though not actually destroyed. And the diary was definitely not destroyed – it was relieved of its resident by being pierced with a Basilisk fang. Our fabled locket, having gained its notoriety by being unopenable, must - surely - be begging to be opened.

That being the case I have a hard time imagining that other Horcruxes will be dealt with by merely destroying them. And how do you destroy them anyway? I mean a Hufflepuff cup which has seven bells beaten out of it is still a Hufflepuff cup, albeit a battered Hufflepuff Cup.

No. The soul-pieces entered the objects; they must be released from the objects. Using a suitable opening-up spell, of course.

I don’t have nearly as hard a time imagining a scenario such as this:

Everything they tried had no effect on the locket which remained determinedly shut tight.

"Think Harry." said Hermione in an exasperated tone, "There must be something that you learnt last year. What about the Prince’s…I mean…Snape’s book? Is there anything you can think of that he might have scribbled which could work?"

"Well you’ve changed your tune!" spluttered Ron indignantly.

Harry might have noticed Hermione’s eyes flash dangerously at Ron had it not been for the memory which came flooding back into his mind at the sound of her words; a memory he would have preferred to forget. On that occasion he had used one of Snape’s spells, though he had no idea at the time what its devastating effect would be.

Motioning Ron and Hermione away from the locket, Harry raised his wand.

"SECTUMSEMPRA!"

In an instant, the locket split apart. As it did so, a blood-curdling scream filled the common room and a dark liquid spurted out of the now open locket, cascading off the edge of the table and soaking the rug underneath.

Of course, it might be good on the DoM door, too. :P

For Enemies (and Friends, of course).

Mon, 01 Aug 2005 17:29:27 GMT

I was wondering what my friends list thinks that the originally intended purpose of the SECTUMSEMPRA spell was.

I mean, we are all agreed that it was never designed to split open a human being.

Aren't we?

An Horcruxual Line of Inquiry

Sun, 31 Jul 2005 14:49:08 GMT

I was very impressed with angua_9’s most excellent posts on the fascinating subject of Horcruxes.

It should be stated here and now, that I am firmly in the Harrycrux ™ camp. As far as I can see, the only real mysteries for us – the readers – in relation to Horcruxes 1 – 5 is the wherabouts of Hufflepuff’s Cup, the identity of Ravenclaw’s Something, and how long it takes Harry to remember that he saw Aberforth Dumbledore acquiring Slytherin’s Locket from Mundungus Fletcher outside The Three Broomsticks.

I am equally certain that, in Book 7, each of these roads will very rapidly lead to Hogwarts (one of them, at least, must lead to Hogsmeade).

In this entry, I am far more concerned with the vastly more interesting Horcrux #6 (H6?) and more specifically - how and why Harry comes to be H6.

It's all here in your head

For all the reasons Angua gave, I am certain that Dumbledore’s opinion that Nagini is a Horcrux is a red herring. In fact, I think we can be reasonably certain of this. The rebounded Killing Curse, as we know, rendered Voldemort incorporeal. That is to say, the last piece of Voldemort’s soul was stripped from his body. There were no more pieces left after this. Had there been more than one piece remaining after the Potter murders, Voldemort would not have been rendered incorporeal on that occasion. He would merely have lost soul-part #6, but would have remained corporeal and in possession of part #7. So we can draw two conclusions from this:

1. That the murder of Frank Bryce did not create a Horcrux in Nagini.
2. That a Horcrux was created on that Hallowe’en night.

More importantly, I believe that the fact of Dumbledore postulating on the idea of Nagini as a Horcrux, is designed to plant a seed in the mind of the reader that, despite the inadvisability of the process, he (Dumbledore) is prepared to countenance the possibility of Voldemort using a living body as a Horcrux.

The would-be murder of Harry Potter is somewhat different from the other murders which forged the creation of Horcruxes. Bear in mind that Voldemort was now aware of the prophecy – Harry was “the one with the power to vanquish the Dark Lord”. So for Voldemort, the murder of Harry was The Big One. It makes sense, therefore, that the choice of Horcrux would be correspondingly significant.

Thickets of wildest guesswork

“Now the important thing about Harry’s mother, the really, really significant thing, you’re going to find out in 2 parts. You’ll find out a lot more about her in Book 5, or you’ll find out something very significant about her in Book 5, then you’ll find out something incredibly important about her in Book 7. But I can’t tell you what those things are so I’m sorry, but yes, you will find out more about her because both of them are very important in what Harry ends up having to do.”

I must confess to having wondered about what the thing in Book 5 was which was “very significant”, and I think I came to the conclusion that it was either her initial dislike for James (which clearly gave way quite rapidly to love for him) or that it was her apparent empathy for Snape. I’m sure that these will both be explained in 7, but I cannot now reconcile how these facts (in conjunction with the “incredibly important” thing in Book 7) are important with what Harry “ends up having to do”. Because we now know what Harry ends up having to do.

Therefore, I am forced to conclude that the significant something from Book 5 is that we learned that she “thrice defied” Voldemort.

I’m not even going to begin to wonder in what ways she thrice defied him, but what we must do is entertain the idea that there had been some sort of interaction between Lily and Voldemort. HBP kindly provides us with the setting for this – The Slug Club.

1. Tom Riddle was a member in his day (we see him in Slughorn’s un-tampered-with memory);
2. Lily Evans was almost certainly a member in her day (we are never told this, but it’s a safe conclusion given how Slughorn fawns over her);
3. Slughorn holds reunions of The Slug Club.

It is possible, therefore, that Lily and Voldemort met at one or more such reunion? There is a further hint of suggestion that they had met whilst Lily was younger in the way in which he refers to her in Harry’s Dementor-induced memory - “Stand aside, you silly girl”.

Assuming that this line of speculation is correct, we need to ask a number of questions:

What did Lily make of Voldemort?
What was Voldemort’s opinion of Lily?
Did they get along well together?
Did Voldemort try to tempt Lily to the dark side?
Was Voldemort captivated by Lily’s charms?
Did he see in Lily something of himself? Slughorn seemed to regard them in equal measure.

Did he regard her as a trophy?

We’ve arrived back in Godrics Hollow on Halowe’en 1981. And it is here that we face the burning question which might also answer some of those above. Why did Voldemort not wish to kill Lily? Let us not underestimate the magnitude of his reluctance to kill her. He was after all utterly ruthless with no reputation for sentimentality. He had previously killed out of revenge for acts committed years earlier and he had killed for mere trinkets. And here we have Lily, the final obstacle standing between Voldemort and the boy who he, Voldemort, knew was destined to be his downfall. This would be his most important killing bar none, and yet he is not prepared to take Lily out in the same way in which, moments before, he had eliminated James.

Here is my theory as to why.

You have your mother’s eyes

Voldemort collected and created his Horcruxes – The Gaunt Ring, The Diary, The Slytherin Locket, The Hufflepuff Cup, The Ravenclaw “something”. But he had singularly failed to garner anything of Gryfindor’s, a fact which irked him tremendously not least of which was the fact that Gryffindor was the antithesis of each and every one of Voldemort’s Slytherine qualities. But also because, despite that, because it would have made complete his desire to make Horcruxes of those objects which represented the school he loved.

Meanwhile, at a meeting of Slug Club members past and present, Horace Slughorn introduces his erstwhile prodigy – Tom Riddle, now Lord Voldemort - to his current prodigy – Lily. Voldemort finds himself captivated by Lily and shares Slughorn’s view that she would have excelled as a Slytherin. In fact, Voldemort himself views Lily as something of a prodigy which he may one day nurture protectively and so he resolves to entice Lily to the dark side. She, of course, refuses. Not only does she refuse once, she refuses a second time, and a third – an indication of how sorely Voldemort wants to recruit her.

His determination with regards to Lily is important in understanding the next piece of the puzzle, which, again, takes us back to Godrics Hollow, where Voldemort arrives on October 31 armed with the knowledge of the prophecy and two pieces of soul, one of which must find a new home. Crucially, he is also harbouring two other burning desires. The first – that his final Horcrux should be something of Gryffindor’s; the second that the one “trophy” which has so far eluded him – Lily Potter, just happens to be the mother of the child he is about to kill. It is for these two reasons that he chooses to make Lily his final Horcrux.

There is an added bonus to choosing Lily as a Horcrux. Assuming that Voldemort carried out his research into Horcruxes thoroughly, he would know that in order to be killed, the Horcruxes would need to be destroyed first. And I imagine that he though it highly unlikely that anybody would destroy Lily in the ensuing retribution.

How then does this lead to Harry being a Horcrux? Well, it’s possible that Lily acquainted herself with Horcrux 101 and knew some sort of counter spell, or maybe it was the act of sacrifice in and of itself. Either way, the conclusion to the theory is that a reversal took place and the Killing Curse intended for Harry ended up in Lily, and the Horcrux intended for Lily ended up in Harry.

You have your mother’s Horcrux, Harry.

I'm furious. Furious, I tell you.

Thu, 28 Jul 2005 19:40:43 GMT

Sins are being committed on a daily basis. Why are these idiots being permitted to continue with their blatant dissembling?

*pokes you*

FIRSTLY, JKR did not call H/Hr shippers “delusional”.

JKR: Well no, I'm not going to - Emerson, I am not going to say they're delusional! They are still valued members of my readership! I am not going to use the word delusional.

SECONDLY, neither JKR nor Emerson nor Melissa, referred to H/Hr shippers as “militant”. Both were referring to the online fandom in general.

ES: They seem more prominant online, but that’s just because the online fandom is very -

MA: Militant was the best word I heard -

JKR: Militant is a beautifully chosen word. Energetic. Feisty.

THIRDLY, why do you even care about Emerson’s and Melissa’s opinions? You’ve never given a rat’s ass about any other fandomers’ opinions.

FOURTHLY, who the fuck died and made thereader such an authority on the literary merits of HBP. Call me Mr Picky, but wouldn’t the first prerequisite for that accolade be that the person claiming such authority has read the damn thing?

FIFTHLY:

"The HMS Harmony is a reality-based vessel. Unlike other ships, we don't have our heads in the clouds. We can accept the truth about a situation and move on. We've never had to alter things (text, scenes) or create our own (fics) to justify, satisfy and provide proof of our ship. We ship H/Hr mostly because we feel the characters are best suited for each other. If in the end JKR decides that's not the case, so be it. We'll move on.

Personally I find it very disturbing some fans are so intent on seeing the couple they want together they'll completely disregard JKR's canon. If people truly loved the world of Harry Potter and all the characters within it like they say, they'd realize the best way to honor it would be to keep everything within the parameters JKR has set.

That would be the best way to show respect for the material and that's what we do on the Harmony. No more, no less." (Mad Eye Mike)

*stares in disbelief*

The Hangover

Mon, 25 Jul 2005 18:56:55 GMT

It’s always a funny feeling straight after a HP book release. The book’s been read twice and has now taken up its permanent residence in the 2 ½ inch space to the right of OotP, which was lovingly prepared on July 15th. And that leaves a bit of a void in my life, just at the moment, which probably won’t start to be filled until sometime towards the end of next year. I’m quite sad that the shipping debates are over, really. If nothing else, they tended to maintain a degree of currency of whatever the latest book happened to be.

*sniffs*

Look at me being a sentimental old booby. Heck, I’m just going to have to start writing essays about Snape and Horcruxes.

In related news, I know that delemtri has mentioned The Guardian’s Alternative Potter in his journal, but it really does warrant another mention. If you haven’t read the article yet, I would thoroughly recommend it.

Basically, it’s a series of alternative ****’s death endings written in the style of other well known authors. Some of my favourites:

In the style of Geoffrey Chaucer

At Hogwarte's, schoole of wizardrye,
Unfoldeth drede folle tragedie!
Yonge Ron Weasleye, and classmayt Pottyr:
Fallen preye to 'tvyle rottyr,
Who, throughoute Harry's sadde lyfe,
Hath been the source of muche stryfe;
Hys parente's lyves, rendyred shorte,
By naughtie manne: Voldemorte!

In the style of Irving Walsh

Doonin the Great Hall, some a they shitey wee Slytherins were hingin aboot.
- Square go, then, speccy cunt! C'moan ya crappin basturts! one ay thum shouted.

- Fuck oaf, ya plukey-faced wee pureblood! Ron snarled as we piled up the spiral staircase wi the wee Slytherin cunts flinging hexes eftir us.

Ah wisnae chuffed at Ron. - Fuckssake, ya fuckin radge. That wis wee Draco - he hings aboot wi they Death Eatin casuals frae Hogsmeade, ah sais

In the style of J.D. Salinger

Anyway, old Ron and me fly on to the pitch. The crowd below us are all going crazy. Then I fly into Malfoy, the ferret faced little sonuvadeatheater. He started griping about me grassing up his old man. He just about drove me crazy.
"You're a goddamn moron, Malfoy," I screamed at him. I was about to hex him, but Ron held me back. He kills me, old Ron, he really does. You'd really like him.

In the style of Enid Blyton

"Oh, dash it!" cried Hermione. "Dumbledore's gone and got himself killed. What rotten luck! That'll spoil our hols."

"I jolly well don't see why," grumbled Ron. "Perhaps they'll shut school early, and we can go and have another one of our marvellous adventures. On bikes," he added wistfully.

"Be quiet, you two," said Harry, looking cross. He sighed. "It's just too bad we didn't manage to stop it. If only we'd called a policeman when we saw that suspicious, swarthy, robed creature in the village, the one with a scythe and a fist full of lightning bolts. I just knew there was something queer about him."

There are loads like this. Very clever and very funny. Thoroughly recommend.

We Do Believe In Trees

Tue, 19 Jul 2005 19:14:57 GMT

Ah, the goodness that is Ronald Weasley and Hermione Granger. Of course, it was never a question of "if". Just "when" and "how". But have these questions now been answered?

Ignoring the crazies, I've seen opinions range from "They'll never get together at this rate", to "It'll all happen within the first few pages/chapters of Book 7", to "Well, they're effectively together".

Pre-HBP, I firmly predicted that R/Hr wouldn't "happen" until 7. In my last entry, I scored that as an incorrect prediction. In my debating, I've presented eloquent theses on how Hermione issued Ron with a challenge ('Next time there's a ball, ask me...') and about how he must rise to the challenge, display his innate courage and ask her ('But what if he doesn't want to ask...'). About how his new dress robes in OotP, foreshadowed a future ball at which he would "ask" her. Full circle. Job done.

In other words - a grand and courageous gesture. Something firm and tangible. To be the man, Hermione knows he can be.

I think I was wrong.

It never was just about Ron. It never was just about Hermione. It was always both of them. So when we see them at the funeral, I think that that is it. Subtle, underplayed, inevitable. Ron and Hermione. R/Hr. It was always there from the moment they first met on the train. It was inevitable. Inevitability does not require statements. Doesn't need gestures.

It really was a case of believing in trees.

That said, I would like your views. And perhaps a little poll, to boot?

View Poll: A Couple?

HBP Predictions Score

Mon, 18 Jul 2005 18:00:04 GMT

So how did I do?

Let’s see.

1. Harry will not get the top grade in his Potions OWL.

Correct.

2. Severus Snape to be the next DADA teacher.

Correct.

3. Hermione Granger to study Divination at NEWT level.

Wrong. Ridiculous idea.

4. Peter Pettigrew to die.

Wrong.

5. Harry and Ginny to get together.

Correct.

6. Ron and Hermione not to get together.

Ummm – I’m going to say I got this wrong. More later on this.

7. Harry will wonder/believe/hope/wish that Neville will be able to fulfil the prophesy.

Nope.

8. There will be enemies within. Students, I think.

Correct.

9. Ron and Hermione will be of limited practical use to Harry.

Correct. They were almost completely wrapped up in their own little world.

10. Ginny will come to the fore and will emerge as Harry’s primary ally.

Partially correct. She certainly came to the fore and she was definitely his primary something :)

11. Luna will be a guiding light to Harry (as her name suggests).

Wrong.

12. Harry will pester Sybill Trelawney for more information on the prophecy.

Partially right. He didn’t exactly pester, but he certainly asked.

13. Hermione will start calling Ron – “Ronald”.

Wrong.

14. Ron Weasley to be Gryffindor quidditch team captain.

Wrong.

15. Harry to return to the team, not as seeker - but as chaser.

Wrong.

17. He will be spirited away from the Dursleys by some members of the Order.

Partially right.

18. Harry will spend the rest of the summer at Spinners End & Grimmauld Place

Er, no.

19. 12GP and Sirius’s estate will be inherited by Narcissa Malfoy

Nope

20. Harry will spend time this summer with Lupin, Ron, Hermione, the other Weasleys.

Correct.

21. Harry will not make contact with the Order for three days after which they will come for him.

Nope. Seemed a dead cert after what Moody said in OotP.

22. Harry will celebrate his birthday in style – his friends will have laid on a huge bash for him.

Not really.

23. Voldemort’s next move will be to recruit a new generation of followers.

Correct.

24. People will be assessing their choices and taking up their positions now they know about Voldemort’s return.

Well yes, I suppose. (1/2 point)

25. Wormtail’s life debt to Harry will come into play.

Wrong

26. Bellatrix will play an insignificant role.

Correct.

27. Lucius and the other imprisoned DE’s will eventually be released from Azkaban.

Very wrong indeed.

28. The Dark Mark scene (shown on the US ed. cover) takes place at Hogwarts

Correct.

29. In respect of Sirius’ death and the prophecy Harry’s attitude will be initial denial followed by growing acceptance.

Technically correct, though this all happened before we first meet him.

30. Harry will tell Neville about the prophecy first.

Wrong.

31. Harry will continue with Occlumency and Legilimency.

Nope.

32. Harry will be making all the running in terms of relationship(s).

Hell, yes.

33. Ginny will date Dean Thomas and someone else.

Hell, yes.

34. Although Ron and Hermione don’t get together it will be perfectly clear where each of their feelings lie.

HELL, yes.

35. Ginny will remain as Seeker.

No. Although she did play one game as seeker.

36. The Half Blood Prince is a new character – the potions master.

Wrong.

37. Harry will have forgotten about Sirius’s mirror but it will come into play.

Nope.

38. Percy will continue to try and ingratiate himself with whatever hierachy exists at the MoM.

Correct.

39. We will find out more about Snape's past – some explanation of the various goings on in the pensieve in OotP.

Partially right. More about Snape’s past, but not of what was happening in his pensieve.

40. Harry’s circle of friends will grow, but within that he will become more isolated as he learns to fully prepare himself for what is to come in book 7.

Correct.

41. Cornelius Fudge will start the book as Minister but will get killed at some point during the story.

Wrong.

42. Draco will make a detour to 12GP to view his future inheritance.

Wrong.

43. Felix Felices is the new Potions master.

If I erase "s master", I’m right. As it is, I’m wrong.

44. Felix Felices is the lion-like man described in the excerpt that was released.

LOL, ridiculous.

45. We will see more than one Slytherin who is not bad.

No, but we did see one Slytherin who is not bad – Slughorn.

46. We will hear that she Umbridge has been pensioned off from the MoM.

Wrong.

47. We will learn more about Ginny’s possession in CoS

Nope – but there’s lots we can deduce, I’m sure.

48. Ron (and others) will say Voldemort’s name.

Partially right. Others (Ginny) but not Ron.

49. Hermione and Ron will increasingly cooperate on the matter of SPEW and House Elves.

~~Absolutely. They didn’t have one single disagreement over the issue.~~RONG.

50. We will learn that Heliopaths do exist.

Don’t be silly.

And I’m awarding myself a bonus point for correctly identifying that one of the clasped hands on the Bloomsbury cover art belonged to a female.:P

19/50 – Troll.

Harry Potter and The Half Blood Prince

Sun, 17 Jul 2005 15:18:29 GMT

HBP?

No words!

Therefore I’m not posting a full review. It was just…FANTASTIC.

It’s always tempting to say in the immediate euphoria which follows a new release “Yes, this is now my favourite book”, but I truly think that (for me, at least) this one is.

What I did want to mention, though, is the supreme arrogance of those who seem to think that they have a better understanding of JKR’s characters (and characterisations) than the author herself.

Really, I’m laughing in between being angry. I mean – W.T.F? How can an author get her own characters wrong?

I suggest that some people have failed to grasp the fact that these are characters who are GROWING UP. 17 year old!Hermione was never going to be 12 year old! Hermione, dumbasses (Not that many of those doing the complaining ever had a particularly good grasp of the characterisations anyway).

The characters are growing up; JKR’s writing is growing up.

Some of the fans need to grow up.

One

Thu, 14 Jul 2005 18:57:35 GMT

Year 5 Ends.

And in just over 24 hours we join Harry and Co. for Year 6. The debates are over, the spoilers have been posted and the lawyers have hit back. It’s all over bar the shouting.

Favourite fandom moment over the past two years: The opening of JKR’s website. (Oh, and angua9’s “crusty, tart McGonagal-like” DT post:))

As I explained in this journal entry, I’ll be posting some of my thoughts as the story unfolds. Those of you who requested to see them, have been added to a filter, and will be able to do so.

So – the popular phrase seems to be:

See you on the other side of new canon.

In what will surely be a very different fandom.

Bon Voyage and have a good HBP!

Two

Wed, 13 Jul 2005 20:30:46 GMT

Predictions Checklist

The various HBP predictions which I have been making over the past 12 months are scattered all over this Journal, complete with supporting explanations. It turns out that I've made 50 in total.

Here they all are under one roof; and sometime on Sunday (baby and family commitments obliging!), I'll be putting a big fat check or an itty bitty cross against each of them.

1. Harry will not get the top grade in his Potions OWL.
2. Severus Snape to be the next DADA teacher.
3. Hermione Granger to study Divination at NEWT level.
4. Peter Pettigrew to die.
5. Harry and Ginny to get together.
6. Ron and Hermione not to get together.
7. Harry will wonder/believe/hope/wish that Neville will be able to fulfil the prophesy.
8. There will be enemies within. Students, I think.
9. Ron and Hermione will be of limited practical use to Harry.
10. Ginny will come to the fore and will emerge as Harry’s primary ally.
11. Luna will be a guiding light to Harry (as her name suggests).
12. Harry will pester Sybill Trelawney for more information on the prophecy.
13. Hermione will start calling Ron – “Ronald”.
14. Ron Weasley to be Gryffindor quidditch team captain.
15. Harry to return to the team, not as seeker - but as chaser.
16. What will cause Harry to leave the Dursleys’ early?
17. He will be spirited away by some members of the Order.
18. Harry will spend the rest of the summer at Spinners End & Grimmauld Place
19. 12GP and Sirius’s estate will be inherited by Narcissa Malfoy
20. Harry will spend time this summer with Lupin, Ron, Hermione, the other Weasleys.
21. Harry will not make contact with the Order for three days after which they will come for him.
22. Harry will celebrate his birthday in style – his friends will have laid on a huge bash for him.
23. Voldemort’s next move will be to recruit a new generation of followers.
24. People will be assessing their choices and taking up their positions now they know about Voldemort’s return.
25. Wormtail’s life debt to Harry will come into play.
26. Bellatrix will play an insignificant role.
27. Lucius and the other imprisoned DE’s will eventually be released from Azkaban.
28. The Dark Mark scene (shown on the US ed. cover) takes place at Hogwarts
29. In respect of Sirius’ death and the prophecy Harry’s attitude will be initial denial followed by growing acceptance.
30. Harry will tell Neville about the prophecy first.
31. Harry will continue with Occlumency and Legilimency.
32. Harry will be making all the running in terms of relationship(s).
33. Ginny will date Dean Thomas and someone else
34. Although Ron and Hermione don’t get together it will be perfectly clear where each of their feelings lie.
35. Ginny will remain as Seeker.
36. The Half Blood Prince is a new character – the potions master.
37. Harry will have forgotten about Sirius’s mirror but it will come into play
38. Percy will continue to try and ingratiate himself with whatever hierachy exists at the MoM.
39. We will find out more about Snape's past – some explanation of the various goings on in the pensieve in OotP.
40. Harry’s circle of friends will grow, but within that he will become more isolated as he learns to fully prepare himself for what is to come in book 7.
41. Cornelius Fudge will start the book as Minister but will get killed at some point during the story.
42. Draco will make a detour to 12GP to view his future inheritance.
43. Felix Felices is the new Potions master.
44. Felix Felices is the lion-like man described in the excerpt that was released.
45. We will see more than one Slytherin who is not bad.
46. We will hear that she Umbridge has been pensioned off from the MoM.
47. We will learn more about Ginny’s possession in CoS
48. Ron (and others) will say Voldemort’s name.
49. Hermione and Ron will increasingly cooperate on the matter of SPEW and House Elves.
50. We will learn that Heliopaths do exist.

Of course, the events of the last few days have changed my confidence level on some of those predictions.:P